As my Facebook feed fills up with smiling faces of kids displaying their new school clothes, my heart is heavy this morning.
I know my boys will not be the only ones not wearing new clothes and new shoes on the first day of school. That piece does not make my heart hurt less for the things they have had to miss out on because of cancer, divorce, and poverty.
I have never been able to spend the day just back to school shopping with my boys. Ever. Last year my parents bought them new school shoes, so they had that. I know that blessed my mom to take them shopping for shoes that day.
Today, the enemy is using my financial situation in an attempt to keep me down. The enemy wants me to feel like a bad mother, like a woman undeserving of love because I cannot provide for my children on my own.
Society sucks at making people feel like that…and the enemy eats that up. Then spits me out; leaving me to feel like I am unworthy of not only nice things, experiences with my children, the love of the people around me, and school shoes.
Our culture beats up on people who use government assistance programs whether it be cash assistance, medical assistance, food stamps, HUD, WIC, and other programs. Open up any social media platform and it will not take long for you to come across memes meant to ridicule people using those programs. Even receiving child support is frowned upon by certain circles.
Anger is sad’s body guard is what my children’s first psychologist taught us all. We used to work on getting to the root of the issue that caused major blow ups and random tantrums. Apparently that lesson has stuck with me because I could be mad at everybody and their happy smiling faces as they shop and eat and play.
Not today Satan…not today. Those lies and messages of defeat and unworthiness will not define my love for my children. Not today; not ever.
I know there is a room in Heaven waiting for me…and there is no sadness, every need is met, there is no hurt. I just have to get through these hard parts on earth.
Today, I choose to be so happy that those kids get that experience with their parents. I choose to pray thanksgiving that each family has that opportunity.
As I struggle with wanting great earthly gifts for my children I know that our time here is so small compared to eternity with you. Forgive my sinful desires for material goods. Remind me that I don’t have to whine; I can just ask You and pray Your will be done.
I have asked mountains to move with the full belief that they would…and they did.
God fill my heart with all that is good and right. Remove my sinful pride and wants.
Give me strength and endurance to get through these difficult times as I praise You through every storm, every trial, every triumph.
Father, I humbly ask You to provide for the school needs the boys have. As they switch school districts this year, I ask for grace and mercy for this transition time.
Thank you so much for all You have provided, all of Your love.