Words Escape Me

I am sitting at the dining room table in my parent’s home. There are various rolls of wrapping paper scattered about, four rolls of tape (all of which I know will be invisible at some point this evening as my mom and I finish wrapping up the last of the gifts when the kids all go to bed.

I cried when I learned what my mom bought for the boys. They have never once complained about having less than most when it comes to the last three Christmas celebrations or any time in between when we have been just barely surviving.

Although most Christians use this celebration to celebrate the birth of Christ I find myself celebrating the chance to be with family. Christmas to me is about being with loved ones who change your world. Those who, whether you get along or not, are all together and laughing anyway.

My older sister and I do not talk and we haven’t for years. Today though when we saw her at the restaurant for breakfast she offered to help them bake cookies. She picked them up about three hours ago.

The boys have no idea that there is any tension between us…because it’s not about them. Our issues are old and we just coexist for the most part. My daughter and “Most Beautiful Auntie” were very close when she was younger and I want that same love between her and my boys. There are no words that can explain the love she has for my kids.

So, back to crying…

For the last three years the gifts have been very sparse and 95% of them from the ‘giving tree’ in our community.

This year, not only was I able to purchase some awesome gifts with my own money, we are home in Canada for the holiday! I think it has been five years since my last Christmas morning here!

I wanted nothing more than to make this Christmas so super exciting for my boys in every way. We were supposed to come home two years ago but my chemo started December 26 so we decided to stay home.

Yesterday we drove up here, 625 miles, and they were amazing for the whole trip. I cannot brag on these guys enough…there are not words to explain my deep love and appreciation for these two young men.

We get to stay up here for a week.

First thing after breakfast the youngest wanted Grandpa to get the snowmobile running…it’s -31 celsius (-23 farenheit). Ummm, no sweetie, we’ll wait for a warmer day!

We came back to the campground and after trying to get my brother’s tv fixed, Little Man wanted to build a fire so out we went…colder than heck outside and we’re out there trying to make a fire. Of course my sister shows up about ten minutes later and off he went to make cookies.

Unfortunately I was too stupid to just forget the fire and come back inisde…I stayed out there (in just a jacket, boots, gloves and a hat) tryign to get somethign going and cutting kindling….when I could no longer feel any of my toes it was time to come in.

I told my mom I hope I never get stranded in the winter and she laughed at me. I STILL hadn’t get a good flame going and had given up. She laughed at me mentioning the fact that the amount of paper she had been saving up should have meant one match and it was done. Nope…I even had a LIGHTER…ugh.


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