I Did it Again

I messed up.

Big.

My pride has led me astray and caused a ton of trouble…when will I learn. Especially after just posting yesterday how many times I have learned to swallow my pride…I guess I just needed to find out FOR REAL what happens when you refuse to give it ALL to God. I refused…and now I will pay a price.

This is one of those times that I understand when people are at their lowest and see no way out.

Today, I am so thankful that there is a way out and that way is God…through Him everything is possible.

Today, I am grateful to have friends remind me that this is only one day. Although the repercussions may last for some time, I am still loved and I am still worthy.

These things are the times when people who do not have a support system see no light at the end of the tunnel. All they see is destruction and condemnation.

I will get through this, just as I have every other time.

Right now though…

I feel like a loser.

I feel like a disappointment to my children.

I feel like a bad mom.

I feel useless and helpless.

l feel awful.

I feel guilty.

I feel like I just cannot take even one more step.

I feel finished.

I feel my ex-husband’s judgment all over me.

Right now, I am going to take a shower and go to work. It is just over a mile and I believe the combination of fresh air and activity will be good for my mental health.

This lack of trusting God has led to worry…which I never have when I do trust God. This worry leads to hopelessness…which God never leaves in my heart. The hopelessness leads to isolation…which is not good for reaching out to those who love me unconditionally.

If you feel called to help through this crisis, let me know and I will give you ideas.

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