I hate not writing on a regular basis. For some reason my brain tells me I cannot write using a word processing program and then post it when I am able to get online…so I do not write at all currently as I have no internet access at home.
As I sit here at the local library, trying to spit out a post, it becomes just how much I miss it. I cannot even listen to music at home online…so I have it belting into my ears as I sit here…oh how I wish I could be singing along at the top of my lungs…that would feel so amazingly good.
I will admit, the sweet sounds are distracting…but filling my heart and soul like nothing else does or can.
I am tired.
Last week one of the boys was diagnosed with Walking Pneumonia. Well…guess who is sick this week? Yep, me. I have a ‘man cold’ and I explained to a friend this morning that I whine and complain more in the two or three days that I will be sick than I did over two years with cancer. Very rarely did anybody see or hear me complain during that fight.
There are days I want to just lay down and let the world spin around me. The problem is that being the only adult in the house, and not living with my mommy leaves all the heavy lifting up to me.
I am working 20 – 25 hours a week, running the little one to hockey and the big boy to bowling. I am still trying to organize our new home and it has become overwhelming to the point where I have just stopped…and that is unfortunate, because I have such huge visions for our space.
It is draining to not be finished yet. I am tempted to just start throwing everything that has not yet found a home into the trash. I have tossed a few things, but not much.
I am dying for time to relax, for time when God will wrap me up in his arms and give me rest, if even only for a day or two.
Then it hits me…
I have not spent nearly as much time with God as I usually do. I have not devoted time to prayer lately. I find myself just holding on for dear life instead of embracing life as it comes.
That is where my peace is lost…in the busyness of life…when I forget to thank God for this life and all that it entails.
I must thank him for the work that makes me tired, the kids that made me sick, the exhaustion from the ability to run my kids around because I AM thankful. So very thankful.
…Ya…I need internet at home again…