Late Nights

The nights I can’t sleep are the most difficult. It is times like this (3 a.m. as I, begin to type) that I think I deserve to know God’s plan. I mean C’mon already, haven’t I been through enough? Haven’t I suffered enough?

Of course my brain knows that the amount of suffering has nothing to do with getting an inside scoop.

What is the plan? Am I going to live into old age? Will I ever be in love again? Is it possible I’m going to be single forever? When will Dorothy come back? Is it fair to even want love if she does come back?

I know, I know; I’m not suffering with joy tonight…I’m in turmoil and I’m not enjoying it. I am Verruca Salt all over again. A whiny child expecting everything. It does not help that I started feeling sick today. Although not bad yet, I feel something in my respiratory system brewing and it feels like it could be a good one.

I’m shouting to God for understanding, for patience, for peace, for endurance.

Of course, I’m shouting silently…it is the middle of the night and I’m sharing a room with both boys and my year and a half old nephew…ssshhh.

My mouth says how I wish I knew the answers but I know better. Be careful what you wish for because it may be granted in a way that is not how you pictured it.

Tonight I’m struggling and wanted to share that because this isn’t an easy path. It is intentional every minute of every day.

Some minutes just last longer than others.

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