As a believer, life has a new meaning. No longer am I focused on the day-to-day of living my life on earth; I am now living my life for my eternal salvation.
Francis Chan gave a great talk I saw online not very long ago that talked about how if people realized just how long eternity was, they would become very unconcerned with things that truly don’t matter.
I’m paraphrasing, but he used a rope and talked how the first couple feet of the rope was the amount of time on earth and the rest of the rope was eternity…and how silly it was to focus so much energy on that tiny little space when there was so much more than just that portion.
When my friend died a couple of weeks ago, I was saddened. In reality though, my brain knows that he is now pain-free in a place where there is no sadness, illness, anger, or any of the downfalls of this earthly world.
What is there to be sad about?
When I received word that a local teenager died two weeks ago I was absolutely crushed. In the last couple of days I saw that his mother posted on Facebook that she is trying to smile again because she knows that her son is in great hands and no longer suffering.
This does not mean we, the ones left to finish out our time on earth are not going to have moments of sadness. It simply means that we can be confident knowing that our loved one is where we all will be in our own time.
I remember the day that I realized just how much I didn’t have to worry about things that would not matter. I was beating myself up because the boys and I are living in poverty and the chances of us every being able to go on a holiday together to some place like Disney or a cruise is highly unlikely.
I then realized that after all is said and done here on earth, my boys and I will spend eternity with each other and the next (however many) years of memories will be nothing more than an accounting of our time on earth.
I need to put up a physical reminder of the time line…that life is a mere blink…for real.
I met with Pastor Matty on Saturday and we covered some difficult things. It hit me suddenly as we sat there that my focus has wavered from eternity to the next year or two.
No wonder I was unhappy, here I had been trying to fulfill my own desires, my own selfish needs when my focus should have been on living a Godly life. Where did I go so wrong.
When did Satan walk right in an change my trajectory?
More importantly, what am I going to do in order to get it back? This is who I will start:
- Pray: Repenting for my sinful decisions I’ve made over the last few months. The enemy has used people very close to me as a distraction from God’s work.
- Accountability: This one sucks. I need to find an accountabilty partner who will hold my feet to the fire when I want to give in to my sinful nature. Somebody who is further along in their faith walk and just as focused. You up for the job?
- A female beliver who I am comfortable opening up to. Somebody who is in it for God, not themselves.
- A woman who will love me, regardless of my sins.
- A woman who cannot be shocked…
- Writing: This is a big one for me. I need to remember why I make the decisions I do. Writing is a great focus tool for me.
My new normal will be a challenge, everyday. I know there are days that will be more difficult than others and that once the enemy gets wind of it will be hot on my heels. Hold us up in prayer.
I am so glad you know my heart and that you also know I will make mistakes and yet You still love me so truly.
My guts are churning for the coming battle for my life. Send Your people, circle the wagons…I need sheepdogs protecting me, not pitbulls fueling the enemy. This fight is mine, not thiers. I cannot do this without support Lord for I am weak.
Bring my children, my family, my loved ones in to Your fold. Comfort my weary heart.