Yesterday was, so far, the hardest day of this 30 days. I was called out immediately in the morning about my commitment to what God wants for me which ignited an internal temper tantrum. It raged through the entire day.
I didn’t want to blog, I barely made it through reading my devotions, I half-heartedly prayed as I fell asleep. I am not enjoying this journey even a little bit. It is heart-wrenching, it is depressing, it is difficult.
It is worth it.
Each time my inner voice screamed, “I CAN’T DO THIS!” God whispered that I wasn’t meant to do this alone and that unless and until I let Him take the reigns, it was not going to get any easier. At one point, I heard, “Duh, of course you can’t, that’s why I Am…” ugh. I hate when He’s right sometimes.
So today I will start Day 4 of my #30daysforGod with a humble heart. I will embrace this journey once again as God has called me to do. I will refocus my strength, I will put my foot down.
To start with, I removed the countdown app on my phone keeping track of how many days I had left because when I look and see XX days every time I pick up my phone I realize just how much longer this must continue instead of focusing just on the task at hand.
I cannot focus on the final day, I need to embrace each day as it comes. Each moment I need to find my heart filled with prayer. When I want to fall to my sinful nature, I need to use that time to reach for Christ.
For those of you along for the ride, thank you for reaching out and continuing to support me through such trying times.
Lord, I thank You truly for this opportunity. I could not have imagined it would be this difficult.
I am humbled that You love me so much that you continue to challenge me to be the best I can be. I do this for Your glory.
Let people see Your good work through this journey. The people whom you have sent to circle the wagons of love around me are doing a great job, and I am getting better at just letting them love me.
Continue to be heard.