Figuring it Out

I seem to have a million posts rambling around in my head and no idea where or how to start most of them. I’m almost at the point of being what I plan to consider being finished fighting cancer.

Honestly, my fight will never end. Never again will a simple twitch of pain not cause at least a little bit of concern. I am simply moving into a holding pattern, waiting on the tarmac for my number to be called, if you will.

I never once let cancer own me. Every step of the way, I never stopped, I never quit. As bad as the bad days were, I focused my thoughts on the next day, sometimes even counting my breaths as I fell asleep when I was so very sick.

Twenty breaths, good job Deb, you got this. That’s 20 closer to being done, to feeling better, you got this…one more…c’mon, you aren’t stopping here. In. Out. 21.  In. Out. 22. It’s almost over and so worth it…

I seriously had those conversations with myself for days at a time during my second round of chemo.

Now here I am, relatively healthy and finally letting people care for me. I can now. It’s safe now. I think part of why I needed to do chemo on my own was that I needed to know I could. That was my fight. If I let others fight that war for me then where would my motivation come from? What would I have to keep me going knowing I was stronger than chemo, stronger than cancer.

Well, I am stronger than cancer. I am not stronger than being gutted like a fish and pieced back together. Chemo was a mental game. Surgery is a completely different animal.

I need to focus on healing, to allow my body the time it needs. Not only will pushing myself delay my healing, it will push back subsequent surgeries. I want them to be back to back because I want them done and over with. I want to be back to throwing a football, bike rides, fishing, whatever the boys and I want to do. The sooner I can complete all the surgeries, the sooner we can start speeding up again! (not that we ever slowed down very much)

This surgery is a minimum 8 weeks of healing time. I return to Mayo in two weeks to plan the next surgery. May 11 is the 8 week mark. I would guess the next procedure will be within a few weeks of that date. I’m healing exceptionally well.

I am being called louder and louder to get out and start speaking. I contacted Team Never Quit today about becoming a speaker for their organization.

Mission Statement

Team Never Quit embodies the heart of a warrior, men and women in all walks of life who have faced incredible hardship but have chosen not only to survive, but to learn from the experience and make themselves and those around them stronger for it. Our commitment is to honor those who have fallen, stand with those who have survived, and share their stories that we might inspire others to Never Quit.

-Team Never Quit Website

If that is not exactly who I am, then I don’t even know who I am!

I am going to start writing a speech to use an opening act kind of situation. Even if only one person is in their seat when I do my first speech, that’s one more person who hears they CAN do it.

Deb

 

 

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