And Then…

Yesterday my sister got the results of her thyroid biopsy from a couple weeks ago. She had been having thyroid function issues so had a Fine Needle Aspiration biopsy done.

The pathology report showed there to be a malignancy. My baby sister has thyroid cancer. She is 30 years old, mother of two wonderfully awesome kiddos, and a super wife.

Thankfully, she has been told the cancer is highly ‘thyroid-specific’ and that after surgical removal, she will not require chemotherapy or radiation. I am beyond thrilled that she will not have to go through those things.

I cannot help but wonder why. Funny, it’s okay and fine that I got cancer, but not my sister. Not Lindsay. Apparently God has more work to do and kicking us all in the gut is the only way to get it done.

I struggle that I cannot run to her side. I leave for my own cancer surgery on Sunday, March 13. I will be unable to drive for a month or more following my procedure.

Last night I had to inform my children that their aunt has cancer.

I remember when you got cancer Mom, remember when you told us?

I sure do. How I hate this shoe being on the other foot. I don’t want this shoe, I didn’t even want to try it on. All the kids took it pretty well when I told them that she doesn’t need to have chemo or radiation and just has to have surgery like I had (I had most of my thyroid removed due to a pre-cancerous growth six months prior to my breast cancer diagnosis).

I am so grateful that my sister will not have to endure the chemo and radiation. Although she will still have to recover from throat surgery and will be on medication to replace her thyroid hormone the rest of her life.

My heart has broken for my mother. To have to hear, “Mom, I have cancer” even one time had to be so difficult. To now have heard it twice, can’t have been easy on the old ticker.

Hopefully by the time Lindsay’s surgery is scheduled I will be able to go take care of her kids for a few days so her husband can still work after her surgery.

I don’t know how to explain the feeling of gratitude I have that she will not have to worry about recurrence while also being angry that I will not have that same luxury. Not that having any type of cancer is a luxury by any means!

It is not jealousy…because I don’t want what she has. I also do not wish my future on her. I guess it is just a period of reconciling each of our lots in life. What is planned for each of us.

Please keep my sister and the rest of our family in your prayers as she learns her next step. She lives in Canada so the anticipated wait time for an ASAP surgery is likely a month or two. Pray her doctors are right that she is not at an increased risk of recurrence or spread.

Pray that I stay sane through next week when I go down for my surgery.

Thank you all for continuing to trust God and allowing me to grow closer to Christ as I am torn apart to be made new.

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