Seeds

Faith like a mustard seed. It is written that with faith the size of a mustard seed, you can do anything. You can tell a mountain to jump, and it will jump.

First…I can’t even get my kids to jump.

Worry about nothing, pray about everything.

Ask and God will provide. He knows your needs before you do, just ask for what you need.

All great things to remember when the days are difficult. Just knowing those truths calms my weary heart on the hardest of hard days.

I also know that God provides according to what He says is enough.

What if I think I need something and God does not? What if there are more lessons He is trying to teach me. Especially with finances, I still struggle with this possibility.

This weekend we have hockey in three towns. I had already planned on making sandwiches and snacks for travel to save on food costs. For some reason though, I had it figured out that I would have a payday and so the extra tank of gas that it would take would not be an issue…then I looked at the calendar. DARN I messed up. Payday is not until Monday. There was no way I would have enough to get where we needed to get to without asking for help.

Enter PRIDE…I had committed to giving up pride for Lent so had prayed about who I would ask. This person had offered gas money in the past and at that time I hadn’t needed it so I was told it would be there if I ever needed it.

So, I knew who I was going to ask, I knew the answer would be yes. I was going to ask for the money today.

Yesterday I received a cash gift that will cover the cost of the gas and allow the boys to get a few treats at the rinks we play at.

This does not take away my financial insecurity completely though. It is such a struggle to not know if the people God calls to support us actually will. I know I have ignored His nudging before. And what if what I’m praying for is more than what God thinks we need?

When we receive even a small gift, it also lifts our burden. Truly, a gift of $5 is welcomed as humbly as a larger gift. A lady at Walmart put $1.00 towards my purchase the other day and it brought me to tears…one dollar made a huge difference. She can’t even begin to know how much of a difference it made.

I am secure that God will make sure our needs are met…it’s not knowing if what I see as a need is actually a want or a need in God’s eyes. Just how much does He truly believe we need? I don’t have that answer; nobody on earth does.

The thing with a mustard seed it…sometimes the wind takes it and it lands on the roadway, sometimes a bird eats it. What if I end up on the road, unable to sprout?

God, as we get closer and closer to my surgery date (19 days now) continue to comfort us all. Release me from this burden on uncertainty. Bring me peace so that I can lead my children to the day of surgery with strength and security.

Help them to speak their concerns. Help me have the words they need to hear.

Thank you for calling people to support this very long battle. I know how tired and weary I am on this journey, I imagine they are just as tired. Help me to understand what truly is a need and confidence that those will be met.

Continue to help me release pride from my life. Continue to humble me, as only You can.

Be with my surgical team as they plan for this delicate procedure. Calm my fears and anxieties as the date grows closer. Help my doctor and I make the right decision on Monday regarding an oophorectomy. Hold my heart as it breaks if that is the decision that is best for me.

Amen

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