Considering…

I’m going to be spending a significant amount of time making a decision that needs to be made in the next day or so.

I’m considering putting off my surgery. It would grant me three months of time that I would be able to work at (or nearly at) full time. It would also drag cancer out by at least another three months.

I feel like I’m >–< this close to being finished.

I pray for God’s grace and mercy and wisdom as I make this decision.

I have one month to either get everything ready and in order and planned or, I need to get my butt in gear and get to work full time.

I don’t want to make the decision based on money, but that is a huge part of the equation. Other people’s time is another consideration. Would it be easier for those who are going to support me to do so when school is out? I’m not sure and would have to do some asking.

Is healing going to be easier or more difficult in the summer? Although it would be early spring anyway, I’m not sure the weather is a huge pro or con either way.

It would give me time to have my ovaries removed without being in a rush in the next month.

My brain is SWIMMING with this decision and the information regarding it.

Am I feeling rushed or am I getting cold feet? Am I afraid of the surgery? Am I ready for it, are my kids?

If I do it now I would most likely be healed enough to work once school starts again. I am so confused…I am so wondering.

Do I just do it, get it over with and get on with our life or do I postpone it and have cancer take over our life again when it’s time?

My heart can’t afford to put it off, my bills tell me I have no choice but to put it off.

And that’s where I stand.

God,

Please guide me through this decision and help me to hear your will. Ease my fears regarding this procedure as I know you will be guiding the hands of all my surgeon and their surgical teams.

Give me wisdom to come to terms with the decision I make and to accept that it has to be done either way, I cannot put it off forever.

Give me the strength I need to be vulnerable to ask for the help I need when I need it. Allow those who feel called to assist us to come forward and offer their assistance how ever they feel called to.

Lord, keep my humble heart strong.

Amen

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