Initially I thought I needed to focus on my journey through breast cancer. My initial plan was to show others how my faith got me through my battle with cancer. Although surrendering to God is an ongoing choice that is often under attack; the work it takes to give my entire life to God has been worth it at every turn.
I realized that by limiting my story to my cancer journey I would severely limit my reach to people in crisis. I want to teach people how to live a faithful life in the midst of any crisis.
I need saving every day. If I am going to be honest, I need saving mostly from myself. I need saving from pride, guilt, fear, and worry the most. These are the areas I’d like to focus on initially.
Today’s sermon talked about making a conscious choice to commit all my life and will to Christ’s care and control and what holds us back from making that decision.
When I was in the thick of the battle I knew I had to finally completely give my life to God. I had to trust that He would take care of everything. I had already given Him control of my health and trusted that He would provide the best medical care and the perfect outcome for my life.
I struggled with giving Him control of my financial life. I could not fathom how He could take care of a single mom with two kids still living at home. I could not understand how God could pay the rent. It seemed inconceivable to me.
I prayed long and hard and loud when I was contemplating quitting my job. I had already gone from full time to part time work and I just could not do it anymore. I was doing chemotherapy every week and it was taking a toll on me.
I knew deep down that my priority was keeping life as normal as possible for my children (aged 7 and 10 at that time). Working was taking every bit of energy I had. I was pretty useless beyond the work day and that was not how I wanted my kids to experience cancer. I want to show them that cancer would not control our lives.
I prayed to God, hoping he would tell me that I had to keep on trucking and that work was part of keeping things normal. This was not at all what I heard.
I kept praying, waiting to hear what I thought I should hear. I pushed myself beyond my physical and emotional limits. I talked to my Pastor. I talked with friends. Deep down my pride was getting in the way of allowing others to care for us. Money was an issue that was causing great worry. Worry was causing emotional turmoil. Emotional turmoil led to physical exhaustion. It was brutal.
Talking to the Pastor and he asked what I heard God saying to me. “Quit your job you moron.” Was the resounding scream I kept hearing over and over again each time I asked how I was supposed to give everything I had to fight cancer.
Who was going to pay the bills, how would I pay the rent, how would I get my kids back and forth to school every day? God kept telling me to trust Him. I told him I did…BUT…
It was time to realize that trust has no buts. I either trusted Him to take care of our needs, or admit that I did not trust in the one true God who loves me more than I could even imagine.
I gave my life, my health, my children, my finances over to God.
I will tell the story of what this meant for me, my children, and our lives.
Welcome aboard and thank you for your support.